I don't want to sound morbid but I feel worse than ever. The shock is wearing off and everyone thinks I'm okay now, even family but I'm not. I went through a phase where I felt I could do this, I could survive but I'm fighting the urge to join my beautiful girl daily, I could tell you a million ways to do it but I won't do it, I will battle on and endure this existence.
To my bereaved friends I'm newly bereaved, at 15 months, I'm an old timer to old friends and family. I feel that some people that were great initially have now distanced themselves to get on with their own lives, I suppose that is fair, if only people knew what was going on beneath this mask of coping?
The shock is wearing off and reality is really fucking painful! Really, really painful. I just want my girl back! I'm sick of fucking "likes" and "hugs" and kisses from people that I am inconveniencing with my morbid posts on Facebook but I want them to think of her, my beautiful girl! I get the "we're always thinking of her" and I think "bollocks, you're not!" "You're not thinking of us either because you haven't been in touch other than "like" and "hugs"".
My life is a sack of shit! I'm trying, I really am, I'm doing well at work, I laugh and smile but really it's really fucking shit and I miss her so much, so so much. A big part of me is missing that won't ever come back! A hole where my heart was, a constant ache in my chest. I feel sick with it and pray for some Devine intervention,
Dear God, please spare a good person with a nice life and take me instead, if you must take someone, let it be me.
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