When I got home from the hospital, my first thought was to look for other bereaved parents that could possibly help me make some sense from this? Of course, nothing will ever make any sense because Hannah should still be here with us, however I needed to see that this was survivable. I needed to see that other parents that had lost children were living because all I wanted to do was to die. Some days I still do and everyday I still want to be with Hannah, to see her, to hug her to tell her I love her.
A part of me has died with Hannah and I will never be the person that I was before but Ben's part is still here and Phil's, Ryan's and Lee's part of me is still here too. I have made my decision and that is to be here and make the best of what's left of my family whilst carrying Hannah everywhere in my heart and mind and making sure her memory lives on.
I searched high and low online and found some good blogs but I also found The Compassionate Friends. I have found this website really helpful and the forum is good as it allows you to speak to other bereaved parents in a safe environment. I think users of this forum are at different phases and bereaved parents that are further on down the line dip in an out to offer support. From this website you can get information on support groups, weekend breaks and support days. I haven't been on any of these yet but I am keen to try a weekend, I will keep you posted.
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