Hannah's Birthday Plans.....

I popped into our Village on Saturday and noticed that they are planting the Jubilee wood on Sunday 2nd December which coincides with Hannah's 15th Birthday.  My original Birthday survival plan was to avoid the whole world and stay in bed all day but seeing this advert for volunteers has made me realise that it would actually be really nice to get family and friends together as a team to help plant the Jubilee wood.

After the planting I thought we could go back to our local pub The Freemasons Arms in Handforth and arrange for a Hotpot of some kind or even some sausage sandwiches (Hannah's fave) and a few drinks, then set off some Chinese Lanterns when it gets dark.

In the middle of these thoughts I suddenly thought, What the hell am I doing?  How can it possibly nearly be Hannah's Birthday and how can I do this without her?  Last year she asked me for an Iphone 4 and I told her it was too expensive for a Birthday present, I told her to ask for money or vouchers and I would put towards it.  I'll never ever forget her face when she opened her present and it was the Iphone4, we thought she was going to burst with joy!

I set her Iphone up on my Itunes which meant when I downloaded something it would go onto her phone and vice versa, I downloaded the latest Radio 1 live lounge album today and listened to it at work thinking of how much Han would love it and how I wouldn't have downloaded it had she been here, I would have bought her this CD for her Birthday.  I would have also bought her the next Now CD, Now 83 if it was out in time, if not then it will probably be out in time for Christmas.

I have read that the run up to Birthdays are worse than the day itself, I hope so because I am a mess...

Special occasions...

We've survived Halloween! Tomorrow is Markmas which is the brainchild of one of our daft, lovely friends who doesn't celebrate Christmas! Markmas started as a small gathering at Mark's house to get friends together who are mostly too busy to see each other all the time. It grew to taking all the family and we all absolutely make sure we never miss it, Hannah took a Smirnoff Ice last year but didn't drink it because she wanted to stay "in control" :-)!

Tomorrow we will be going to Markmas, all five of us minus one! There will be friends that we haven't seen since Hannah's funeral and closer friends and family that will try and understand. We will release Chinese lanterns that last year blew back into the garden and all the kids ran scared inside, there is a video that you can hear Hannah shouting and laughing! I will think and ache for Hannah all night, I can still see her image in that setting in my mind from last year covered in fake snow (foam) from the snow machine in the back yard!

On Monday we have Bonfire night. We would normally go to the Scout Hut but it's bizarre! I try to face things but we've done the Scout Hut bonfire forever and we LOVED it, I just cannot possibly face it! We are going to a different one that I have been to but the kids haven't. Last time I went, the man on the mulled wine stall checked the temperature with his finger, licked it then checked again with same finger!!! I still bought some though, it was bloody freezing!

After Monday I have a month off until December 2nd which would be Hannah's 15th Birthday, what a crock of shit that will be!!!!