I have been to the Trafford Centre, Manchester, John Lewis, Superdry, Bank, Debenhams, Selfridges, Hollister, Crew, Fat Face, Joules, Sports Direct, Comet. I've been bloody everywhere and bought absolutely nothing. Nothing at all. Actually I am lying. I have bought three footballs and two pairs of gloves but that's not exactly a great Christmas is it?
My heart just isn't in it at all. I am trying my best, we even went to Manchester, to the Christmas Markets and wore Christmas Jumpers to fool our friends and family into thinking we were more okay than we were, whilst looking on all the stalls for things that Hannah would have liked!
We are actually escaping to Keswick this Christmas on our own, without the boys. Ben is going to his Dad's and the older boys are going to Phil's sisters. I couldn't even book that. It is like I cannot acknowledge anything in the future because I can't bare to think of it without Hannah in it. This leaves poor Phil taking over a whole heap of responsibility for our future because I was the planner. I planned our holidays, days out, Birthdays, Christmas and I now find that I can't.
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| Happy Days at Southern Down Beach |
Something that has helped me is to create an 'Eva tree' or, in your case you could have a 'Hannah Tree'. I have bought an ornament of what I wished I could have bought her. This year it is a doll and when she's five it might be a bike or something like that...get my drift...
ReplyDeleteWhat do you desperately want to buy for Hannah? A dress? jeans? What did Hannah love? Find an ornament or something you can make into an ornament for her Hannah Tree. It has helped me to not have to pass up everything for Eva and to finally give her the doll I so desperately wanted to give her. To have something for her stocking and to remember how old she would be now (2). I miss my girl more than anything but this has eased an ache to buy her something I didn't realize was there. Much love to you dear.
Em
Just wondering how you're surviving right now. Haven't seen a post in 2 months. I lost my son about the same time you lost Hannah, and for me life is not getting any easier at all. Struggling every day. How are you?
ReplyDeleteIt's really hard isn't it? I am struggling like mad and use work as a big distraction. I spend most of my days in denial. I feel worse at the moment than I have for a while, I just still can't believe she has gone. I hope you are doing okay though! We're just plodding away. xxx
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