Hannah's Wood

I made a decision very early on that we would not have a memorial in a crematorium and we did not want anything in our local graveyard.  I just knew that I would struggle to visit Hannah in any of these places.  I don't associate any of these places with Hannah, my Mum has a memorial in the Crematorium and I don't visit because it doesn't make me feel better, or should I say I don't visit regularly, I visit every now and again because I feel guilty about not going but the fact of the matter is that my Mum lives on in me, in my mind and my heart and so will Han, the crematorium offers no comfort to me.   

I trawled the internet for ideas of what I could do for Hannah and found the Woodland Trust.  Our family spent a lot of time outdoors, walking, camping and generally having fun so this felt right.  We set up a page for Hannah to raise £3000 to dedicate an acre of a local wood to Hannah with a bench.  The money was raised within 48 hours and we proceeded to order the acre and the bench.

The first time Phil and I went to visit the wood it was raining and dull, I felt upset and I had a daft thought that Hannah would be lonely there.  Then I thought why would she be lonely because she won't be there.  If there is a chance of her being able to see what we are doing, she wouldn't be waiting in a wood.  She would be at home, at her friends houses, at her Grandma's and Grandad Johns.  She would be with Ben and with her Auntie's, Uncles and Cousins.

The second time we went to the wood it was a really nice day and we took the whole family along with us.  This brought the wood to life and I am happy with my choice now.  I like going to the wood, even though the bench won't be ready for another couple of months, I like going on my own with the Dogs and talking to myself.  I like shouting Hannah's name, I like hearing myself say Hannah like I used to when she was here, not just in a past tense of "do you remember when Hannah....."

The wood has come more alive over the last couple of weeks with loads of Rhododendrons, Fox Gloves, Water Lili's and loads of different shrubbery.  I have challenged myself to learn which trees are what and bushes etc.  I have seen a Woodpecker and my Brother in Law has seen a Barn Owl.

There are two ponds in the wood and one has a tree that has fallen across it.  Hannah would have loved to walk across that log.

There is a little country pub next to the wood that has gained a whole heap of new regulars, the beer is nice too, it also does a smashing Sunday Roast.