Home at last...............

We arrived back from Spain.  I think 2 weeks was a bit too long really.  Next time I will do a week or 10 days. 

When we got back I didn't realise how desperate I was to actually get back.  I missed sitting in Hannah's room and smelling her clothes and looking at her things.  The jumpers, dressing gowns and coats on the back of her door still smell of Hannah slightly and although it sounds a bit crazy, I like wrapping my arms around all of them and giving them a big fat hug. 

I stayed in Hannah's room for a good hour when we got home and  sobbed on the floor.  I think this had been building up of the course of the week.  I still cry everyday but I try and restrain myself around people most of the time.  We did so many things in the last week that brought back memories of Hannah, I'm glad I had my sunglasses most days but I felt that I couldn't really let go during the week in front of everyone and I felt better from just "letting it all out" when I got back.  I sometimes wonder what people would think if they saw me in this state.  The very people who tell me "You're so brave" and "You're coping brilliantly" actually have no idea really, I can almost only accept any encouragement from other bereaved parents who actually get me.

I was talking to my brother in law on holiday and was talking about going back to work full time or for longer hours and he suggested that if we can live of what I am currently earning, why not use the extra time to try something new..  The more I think about this the more I like the idea.  I have never been a crafty person, I have done loads of crafty things with the kids (much to their amusement, Hannah inherited my naff at art gene) but I think I am going to try something new.  Work used to engage me and I loved my job but at the moment it feels so insignificant.

I will keep you posted.  There is a lady that offers a mosaic class, another that does quilting etc.....