I think I was pretending they were both away in the first week but now Ben is here there is no hiding from the facts of our horrific situation. Hannah isn't coming......
We went to a good old fashioned fun fair yesterday! Hannah would have loved it! Hannah loved finding pennies in the pool with Ben! Hannah loved Mint Choc Chip ice cream like Ruan. Hannah fainted at the Go Karts last time but loved it the others! Hannah loved mini golf! Hannah hated Olives, Calimari and Pâté!! Hannah used to wave at the Spanish Bin Men! The list is endless!!
How are we supposed to process this?? How can I be here and she not? How can miss her so so much and still be surviving? I don't know is my answer but the pain is mental and physical and it really is shit!
I just want her back! That's all I want........ Come back Hannah............ Please???
I wish Hannah could come back to you. I wish my son could come back to me. It just doesn't seem possible that such young vital lives can end so suddenly.
ReplyDeleteIt's a tragedy. I think we're both trying to figure out how we're supposed to survive with the centers of our lives gone.
http://www.scoop.it/t/grief-and-loss
It is hard. I think it is something about how the brain works to be honest. You can't take in something so fundamental to your life in one simple go, as other people can. It affects so many aspects of your life, and that understanding only trickles in slowly. Almost like it is too big to take it in all at once.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry. I think you are doing so well. Going on holiday was a big step, and you should be hugely proud of yourself for coping so well. Just being able to go is an immense achievement xx