Getting on with things...

I've not written for a while because I haven't felt the need to really.  I have found that my interest in things changes all the time.  I find something that I think helps and launch myself into it full pelt only to find that it only helps for a little while then I need to think of something else.  For instance I have taken up sewing and have been making cushions, hats, bunting etc.  I like doing it but I keep hitting that bloody brick wall of just what is the frigging point?  It used to take me three days to read a book, now it takes me three weeks?

I think I must be hitting the depression part of my grief (I need to look into this more because I am remembering a bit about a book I read months ago).  I am struggling to get up and get my arse to work some days which is unusual because I have found work and keeping busy helpful.  Loud noises really irritate me and frustrate me, things like the dog barking or Phil shouting (not at me, normally at an inanimate ibject that is not performing its task properly).

To be fair we have just muddled out way through Hannah's 15th Birthday.  We met up with family and friends and planted daffodils in our local park which was nice (I pinched the idea from Linda, gorgeous Gregor's Mum).  I am glad we did it rather than stayed at home.  Later on when it got dark we let off Chinese lanterns (environmentally friendly bamboo ones), 15 of them.  It was a sad day but it was okay.  I have struggled with the aftermath though.  I have been exhausted this week and very short tempered but I am still here which is good.

I have decided to put a Christmas Tree up this coming weekend which will be tough but it has to be done for Ben and for me.  Christmas used to be my absolute favourite time of the year. I want it to be Ben's too so it has to be done!

The photo below was taken over New Year in 2010.  We were on a ferry from St Mawes to Falmouth and were acting out Jack & Rose on the Titanic.  I look back and miss her so much that I cannot contemplate looking forwards.....

I miss you with every breath I take my little chicken xxxxx

Hannah Thomas-Jones and me on a Ferry St Mawes to Falmouth, New Year 2010